Totes Scientific Study: Vaccines Are the Worst

Doctor, Pain, Vaccination, Shot, Arm

 

According to a totally scientifically valid study polling the members of a forum whose name has not been revealed for confidentiality reasons, vaccines are the absolute worst thing in the world. The favorability rating for vaccines, according to this study, is zero percent, or infinitely lower than the favorability rating among Hispanics for Donald Trump the presidential candidate.

According to one of the totally random individuals cited in this poll, vaccines are awful because of vaccine-related deaths. Before vaccines, absolutely no one died as a result of having dead or weak pathogens injected into their bodies, but since then allergic reactions to vaccine contents have killed people, possibly as many as a hundred people per year.

As this study was of the scientific variety, the pollster did not follow up with statistics about the millions of deaths which are likely avoided each year due to vaccinations, because science is about supporting desired results, not finding the truth.

According to another polled individual, also anonymous for confidentiality reasons, vaccines are the sole cause of autism. Before Edward Jenner invented the smallpox vaccine hundreds of years ago, autism was so nonexistent that there wasn’t even a name for it, and now it affects millions of people, which can’t be for any other reason except vaccines definitely cause autism.

A third person blames vaccines for the bullying he endured as a child. Specifically, if the neighborhood bully wasn’t vaccinated and therefore got polio and died, or at least lost his ability to walk, then the bully would not have been able to bully his victim.

When asked by a follow-up study whether they would take a mercury-free vaccine for gullibility-induced hysteria, most of the totally scientific study’s participants responded with a two-word phrase which cannot be printed in this publication.

 

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