Mario Mario Wins Landmark Lawsuit

Plunger, Toilet, Plumber

The Internet – Legendary plumber and adventurer Mario “Super Mario” Mario has emerged triumphant once again, this time in a lengthy legal battle with his insurance company.

Doctor Doctor, spokesman for the Nintendoc Medical Group, testified that his organization can no longer afford to provide insurance for someone so reckless as Mr. Mario. “For years, decades even, this man has been putting himself in mortal danger on a daily basis. He frequently puts himself at risk for severe burns, bullet wounds, broken bones from lengthy falls, puncture injuries from colliding with spikes, drowning, and whatever it is about walking into turtles and mushroom things that hurts him so much. Not to mention all the hand and wrist injuries from punching bricks all the time.”

“Because of this,” Doctor added, “Mr. Mario needs frequent medical treatments, often with illegal drugs which carry extra costs due to being, you know, illegal. He also dies on a regular basis and expects us to resurrect him for a copay of a hundred gold coins. Do you know how much it costs to resurrect someone? A heck of a lot more than a hundred gold coins, I can tell you that much.”

“Besides,” Doctor concluded, “We’ve all seen Mr. Mario in a lab coat with a seemingly infinite supply of medicine which he throws into a bottle which must be at least fifty feet tall. So how come he needs us to medicate him instead of giving those pills to himself?”

When asked for a rebuttal to Doctor Doctor’s statement, the plaintiff said, “It’s a-me, Mario. I have a pre-existing condition. It’s a-called being a hero. I must-a save-a the Princess.”

The court ruled in favor of Mr. Mario, citing the illegality of denying coverage due to pre-existing conditions according to the Affordable Care Act.

Due to this landmark case, other luminaries such as Link, the Ninja Turtles, Sonic the Hedgehog, the Prince of Persia, Samus Aran, Lara Croft, and those crazy marbles can all rest assured that they will be able to continue their adventures without fear of losing their insurance coverage.

 

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