Pepe Le Pew Arrested in California

Skunk, Gray, Animal, Fur, Furry

 

The internet – Pepe Le Pew, the skunk who has been terrorizing the same female cat for decades, following her from France to Hollywood, has finally been arrested. He now faces multiple counts of stalking, sexual harassment, and sexual assault.

For years, Mr. Le Pew was given a free pass for his actions, his behavior excused by the notion that skunks will be skunks, or that he’s not a human, but no more. The old stinker is finally going to get his comeuppance.

Several groups, including women’s rights groups and animal rights groups, have been clamoring for his arrest for years to no avail. The Social Justice Singers even wrote a song summarizing the case against him, using the tune of Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars for inspiration, and the song will be posted in its entirety because that’s the sort of thing we do at TotesRealNews.

He thinks he’s Don Juan
The pied piper of love songs
Smooth words,
But got no grace
He’s always
One track mind thinking
Wining, dining
Skipping all that, straight to kissing
Got no hope
And no clue, nope
And of course he don’t have permission

Thinks he’s suave (Le Pew)
But he does things creepy stalkers do
When he farts (Le Pew)
You will say ooh blech like Bartholomew
He’s a nut (Le Pew)
Makes you say E then W
And his butt… (Le PEW)
He’s the bad sort of funky

He’s a clown

No shame and zero honor
No shame and zero honor
No shame and zero honor

This cartoon skunk is always hitting on her
This cartoon skunk is always hitting on her
This cartoon skunk is always hitting on her

Run for your life if you see this skunk

Don’t be near when he farts
Don’t be near when he talks
Don’t be near if you’re smart
Don’t be near him at all
Don’t be near him at all
Don’t be near him at all

Cops…why you oughta
See if he’s got restraining orders
Take his prints, grab his tail
Why is he not in jail?
Banned in Paris, Avignon,
And the whole French country
If he sees you, you should watch out
Since this guy is just so skunky

Thinks he’s suave (Pepe)
He’s less high-class than a Chik-Fil-A
When he farts (Pepe)
Then your sinuses want to run away
Thinks he’s smart (Pepe)
He does not have intellibrains
He tries hard (Pepe)
Hard is how she’ll be running

From this clown

No shame and zero honor
No shame and zero honor
No shame and zero honor

This cartoon skunk is always hitting on her
This cartoon skunk is always hitting on her
This cartoon skunk is always hitting on her

Run for your life if you see this skunk

Don’t be near when he farts
Don’t be near when he talks
Don’t be near if you’re smart
Don’t be near him at all
Don’t be near him at all
Don’t be near him at all

You’ll wanna sneeze
That won’t help you much though

Upwind skunk is yuck
Upwind skunk is yuck
Also downwind skunk is yuck
Skunk is always yuck

They call France romantic
But what he does, well that’s sick
They are creepy weird antics
More maddening than mass transit

There’s no chance she’ll like him
It’s expected she’s frightened
Well now he is a skunk and she is a cat
That’s not why this is wrong
All about it is wrong
It’s completely just wrong
This is weird and just wrong
It is really so wrong
That’s enough of this song

 

This song, and the evidence suggested within it, should have been more than enough to land Mr. Le Pew a court date, but his black-and-white privilege continued to protect him, as he remained free for months after the song was written. However, his inability to control his urges to do what he should not shows that while he is not human, he may be a monster, and recent events showed monsters can be arrested and sent to jail. Even if it is only for six months with the possibility of early release.

 

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