Next Ninja Turtles Movie to Feature Older Turtles

Amphibian, Animal, Cartoon, Reptile

 

The Internet – Totally reliable sources have confirmed that in the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, the turtles will not be teenagers.

The increased age of the totally tubular titular characters may come as a surprise, as they are often known for their cartoon depictions, and cartoon characters tend to stay the same age forever. The “teenage” part of the title also suggests they will never grow up, but that suggestion is incorrect. Perhaps they can spend their animated lives in perpetual adolescence, but in the movies, they are no cartoons. So they’re growing up.

The new movie, American Turtle Warriors, will follow the protagonists as they battle Shredder and Krang and other common antagonists, but also their journeys as they deal with the challenges associated with the transition into full-grown adulthood. All of this is rather serious in nature, so to balance all the seriousness the movie will feature a parody of Taylor Swift’s Blank Space from the point of view of MichaelAngelo as he tries to move out of the sewers and into his own place.

TotesRealNews has obtained the lyrics, which have never been seen until now by anyone besides the person who wrote those lyrics, and now the song will be leaked in its entirety.
Wining, dining, candlelight
Pepperoni goes well with all drinks
She said she would spend the night
Took her home and she’s like
“Oh-em-gee Mike what the heck
This smells like a dead skunk’s neck
Gotta go, because blech”

New, sunny, super-clean
Are some things that my abode is not
At least when the roof has leaks
I don’t notice – it’s wet a lot
And hey, there’s no rent
It’s quite a good deal for no dough spent
Here with four of my best friends
After the mutation this is my element

When it comes to prep for Shredder
Life in sewers is pretty nice
Sure, my love life could be better
Heroics come with a price
Fought a long list of opponents
They all blew up or died
People tell me I’m a cheeseball
I do love the pie

Since I’m young and I am jobless
I’ll stay here without shame
Even though I’m sockless
And rats are far from tame
Maybe I’m a bit cold-blooded
My heart still beats the same
And I got a dank place, maybe
I need a change

No broker, I’m too broke
Turns out Jimmy MacMillan was right
Two K monthly is no joke
Since I need money I will fight
When I’m in the mood
I will toss cheesy food
Ring name will be party dude, oh yeah

Pinning, winning, shell shock slam
Quickly break them like bagels, warmed
Post wins on Instagram
Got them reminiscing like
“Love love love, loved that fight
Almost close one, but not quite”
Now the champ belt is in my sight
I’ll hope I won’t forget to send my friends invites

My kick combo can be nasty
Helps me stand tall though I’m not big
For the belt I’ll face a tag team
It’s a rhino and a pig
As foes they are quite familiar
They’re slow, this should be fun
They are strong but I’m much quicker
Now who gave them guns?

What the heck is this madness?
I have to quit and flee
My conscience can’t stand this
High risk of casualties
Maybe I’ll give up the money
But really it’s okay
It’s a struggle dank place dating
But I’ll find a way

Guns never should be where it’s crowded
I’m sure of this and this is why I shout it
Guns never should be where it’s crowded
There is no doubt, yeah, there’s no doubt about it
When it comes to prep for Shredder
Life in sewers is pretty nice
Sure, my love life could be better
Heroics come with a price
Fought a long list of opponents
They all blew up or died
People tell me I’m a cheeseball
I do love the pie

Since I’m young and I am jobless
I’ll stay here without shame
Even though I’m sockless
And rats are far from tame
Maybe I’m a bit cold-blooded
My heart still beats the same
It’s a struggle dank place dating
But I’ll find a way

 

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