The Internet – In response to the growing epidemic of people putting themselves in serious danger by not tying their shoelaces, prominent rapper, entrepreneur, and hyperbole enthusiast Sean “Diddy” Combs went on Twitter this afternoon to announce his new shoelace-tying initiative.
Diddy also announced he would be promoting his cause with a non-album single called “Tie Yo’ Shoes” in which he explains the importance of shoelace-tying to all people, but especially to young African-American males who identify with hip-hop culture, particularly its “gangsta” elements. There is no audio available, but he tweeted out a brief lyrical sample:
Those excited for the rest of the song will have to wait until it is released, and no other lyrics were leaked, but there is a decent chance Diddy will warn listeners sternly about taking a journey in a gurney. Even more likely, he might rhyme shoes with booze, since untied laces are especially perilous when mixed with alcohol. Also, uh. He is likely to say “uh” a lot.
Whatever lyrics are included in what seems likely to be Diddy’s most memorable song in years, it will help deliver a powerful message designed to combat a totally serious problem. And untied shoelaces are definitely a serious problem with potentially dire consequences, because otherwise there wouldn’t be so many people making a habit of pointing out untied shoelaces to total strangers.
While general opinion of the Tie or Die campaign seems to be positive, one Twitter user was not impressed:
As of 4:49 on February 3rd, Diddy is still planning on going forward with Tie or Die. But if he doesn’t, it is most likely due to intimidation by the Babadook, and not because there is any truth to allegations that this is all “fake news.” Because this is not fake news, it is totes real.